“I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that’s why.”—  John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men

When I think of the word “love” several things immediately come to my mind: unconditional, trust, happiness, sacrifice, and change. Growing up, we inadvertently fall into our first loves. The first time is in perceivable. One moment you’re in their car, going for lunch, innocently, without expectation. And then, in a flash, you are head over heels and can’t remember a life without them. My first love was swift. Not in years but in feeling.

I remember sitting there in class and feeling this connection. I hadn’t really had a lot of strong relationships up to that point. I think relationships thrive on friendship and I really wasn’t much good at it. We had a sport in common, we both loved to make fun of ourselves and others, and we were both seemingly lost in this giant fishbowl of confusion we’d later call high school. Love is tragic however, I’d like to believe, it’s also often triumphant. Late night phone calls would turn into five straight night sleepovers. Our families would turn into our second set of mom’s and dad’s. Everything would come full circle and eventually connect.

Sadly, it would do just that. We had a true love story of coming and eventually going. We’d grow up and grow out of our humorous selves, vying for more dry humor and new people to fill each other’s shoes. We’d gain friends and lose each other in the seas of parties, secrets, and miscommunication. All because we couldn’t face each other and be what we once were for one another: a friend. Sometimes things fall apart, but I don’t believe that things can’t ever fall back together. A deep love for another isn’t something you just walk away from. A devoted counterpart does not just walk into your life for no given reason, and then walk out just as fast as they once came in. Everything I have ever let go of had claw marks on it. Working hard to make something or someone a reality is not something easily forgotten, not in my book. So when I realized my first love was walking away, I stood firmly in front of her and admitted sometimes your first love isn’t a boyfriend or a girlfriend, sometimes your first love is your first true friendship, and I refused to let her walk away.